It has been a long time since I posted anything on this blogsite...since July of last year, to be exact. I first thought of doing a blog at least once a month. I don't know really what happened, but for some reasons, I can't just seem to find a way and a moment to be able to write.
Why can't I? Maybe the necessary inspiration does not come. Or when it does, it immediately fades into oblivion. I don't get to catch those precious moments well enough. Thus eigth months after my previous attempts into writing, it is only now that I got to write a bit, albeit a forced one at that.
Inspirations doesn't seem to come so often nowadays. Maybe there has been a bit too much of a pressure to do other things. Maybe I have been so caught up in a web of things that reflecting on the many realities that come upon me takes secondary position. Maybe various realities just stresses me out and pins me down into being a man-made "office planner."
Ever since I came home from Italy last year, I seemed to have lost a certain kind of zeal and enthusiasm. I have felt more and more the need for introspection. I have forgotten, it seems, what it means to reflect. What has come about is a soul that has wandered into nothingness; a life that has fallen into various distractions; a being that has not caught much of itself. Thus, life has become difficult. I feel caught up in a maze that has entangled even the freedoms I knew before. And this pains me a lot.
At the moment, I don't know what I need to do to be able to move accordingly. Maybe I can do one thing and another. But the question remains whether it would be the right thing to do. But maybe, it is also good to be brought into this kind of confusion. Perhaps it is also good to long for something that I could not yet hold on to at the moment. Maybe things would come out well...later on.
I need answers, yes. But perhaps it would be good if I seek out these things at other moments of my life. For the moment, I am just happy to be able to write down what is it that my heart and person longs for...even if I am into nothingness.
